You Know You Need To Regulate. But How To Do That?
"Regulation isn't a personality trait. It's a skill. And the joy is that, like any skill, it can be practised and strengthened the more we focus on it."
There's a word that comes up constantly in conversations about parenting teenagers — co-regulation. We're told it matters. We're told our nervous system sets the tone. But what does it actually look and feel like in practice? What does it mean to be regulated on a Tuesday afternoon, when the day has been long and there's still everything still to do? This episode is the answer to that question.
What You'll Discover
I open by naming the most common misconception about regulation — and why calm all the time isn't actually the goal. Regulation isn't stillness. It's elasticity. The capacity to be struck by something and choose how you respond.
I introduce three ways of thinking about the pause that brings us back to ourselves — the power pause, the fermata, and the Japanese concept of Ma — and share what regulation actually looks like in an ordinary day, in the body, before we've even noticed it's needed.
I share a story about a colleague whose very young children had a name for her — Mummy Byebye — and what that quietly revealed about where we both were heading. And why the signs of approaching burnout almost never announce themselves loudly.
I explain why co-regulation means our regulation isn't just about us — it's the emotional weather our teenagers live inside. And I share three practical steps for returning to baseline in the middle of a real day: the check-in, the body scan and release, and choosing what you actually need.
Key Moments
What regulation actually is — and why calm all the time is the wrong target
The power pause, the fermata and Ma — three ways to think about the same essential practice
The Mummy Byebye story — and what it quietly revealed about burnout
How to recognise the signs before depletion becomes the default
Why your regulation is the emotional weather your teenager lives inside
The three-step return-to-baseline sequence you can use today
Quote from this episode
"The body mounts a stress response, but the mind is unaware of the threat. We keep ourselves in physiologically stressful situations, with only a dim awareness of distress or no awareness at all." — Gabor Maté
"The difference between peak performance and poor performance is not intelligence or ability — most often it's the state that your mind and body is in." — Tony Robbins
Your Practice This Week
At some point today — before you walk back in, before a conversation that matters — ask yourself: what's my number? One to ten. Don't analyse it. Just name it. Then ask what's underneath it. That's where the practice begins.
If you'd like support with this, I have a guided emotional regulation visualisation on my website — just four minutes, designed to walk you through the return-to-baseline practice described in this episode.
You can access the visualisation HERE.
CONNECT WITH KATE
Email: Questions or topics? hello@kateboydwilliams.com
Share: If this resonated, share it with another parent using the link on the player above.
Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. If your teenager is experiencing severe anxiety, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.
